Thread just for Neil...
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Rae1889
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HEY! lol thats mean! We tip just fine! but the problem is that 99% of us don't know that the waiters and waitresses in the states make such pitiful money. Here in Canada, you make $10 (minimum wage in Manitoba, its a bit higher or lower in other provinces) plus tips. So you end up making some great money, but we know its a tough job and you can deal with some crappy clients. My sister is a server, and makes $10.25, and her tips, and some nights she came home with well over $200 in tips. We tip good for our servers. we normally tip by dollar amount here, more so than %. But we also make the server work for their money. if they are grumpy, rude, got the order wrong or are unattentive (aside from if the place is packed and busy) then we either dont tip, or dont tip as well. because we know, that no matter what, that waitress still makes minimum wage and gets a proper paycheque for their hours worked. If the server is great, we tip better. I have given a server a $20 tip once, and a $50 tip (because we ended up winning our meal for free, so we just gave her what our bill would have cost) because the service was great.
I only found out last year that in the states a waitress makes like $2 an hour...
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LOL!!!,I honestly hadnt heard that you Canadians were tight,until this thread started! I used to work in a Youth Hostel,Canadians were sound but still didnt tip haha.Nah only kidding,over here hairdressers are the same,well more the girls in barbers.They make a crap wage and really do rely on their tips to bulk their wage up.A sad state off affairs really.
$2 dollars an hour? honestly? That works out way below our minimum wage,which is £6.00 something,not sure off the exact figures.Us Scottish do have a reputation for being tight with money but i dont think its deserved.Its more in fun.
So Rae hope ya tip next time!!! We will be watching!!!
$2 dollars an hour? honestly? That works out way below our minimum wage,which is £6.00 something,not sure off the exact figures.Us Scottish do have a reputation for being tight with money but i dont think its deserved.Its more in fun.
So Rae hope ya tip next time!!! We will be watching!!!
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neil129 Thought you might like these.
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Whats the difference between a smart English man and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters
What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?
The photograph is fully developed!
Did you hear about the Irish pilot who crashed his helicopter?
He got cold so he turned off the fan.
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Whats the difference between a smart English man and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters
What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?
The photograph is fully developed!
Did you hear about the Irish pilot who crashed his helicopter?
He got cold so he turned off the fan.
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An English man and a Scottish man are driving head on at night on a dark,twisty road.Both are driving far to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend.To their amazement both are unscathed although both cars are destroyed.
In a celebration off their luck they agree to put their differences and dislike for one another to one side,the scotsman goes to the boot off his car and takes out a 12 year old bottle off finest malt whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the Englishman whom explains-May the scots and english forever live in peace and harmony.So the Englishman downs half the bottle in a oner as he is still a bit shook up from the crash,he then goes to hand it to the Scots man who says "Ach,nae yer all reet,ill just wait till the polis geet here"
In a celebration off their luck they agree to put their differences and dislike for one another to one side,the scotsman goes to the boot off his car and takes out a 12 year old bottle off finest malt whiskey.
He hands the bottle to the Englishman whom explains-May the scots and english forever live in peace and harmony.So the Englishman downs half the bottle in a oner as he is still a bit shook up from the crash,he then goes to hand it to the Scots man who says "Ach,nae yer all reet,ill just wait till the polis geet here"
CQ:)
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Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was going out to the pub?
He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, "Margaret - put your hat and coat on lassie."
She replied, "Aw Jock that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?"
"Naw", Jock replied, "A'm switchin' the central heatin' off while a'm oot."
He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, "Margaret - put your hat and coat on lassie."
She replied, "Aw Jock that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?"
"Naw", Jock replied, "A'm switchin' the central heatin' off while a'm oot."
CQ:)
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A farmer named Sid was overseeing his stock in a remote moorland pasture in North Yorkshire when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Sid looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the back of his car.
Then Sid says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of Parliament for our Government", says Sid.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...
Now give me back my dog.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Sid looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASApage on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the back of his car.
Then Sid says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of Parliament for our Government", says Sid.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...
Now give me back my dog.
CQ:)
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU B**TARD!!!!
_______________________________________________________
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.
"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."
"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.
The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.
The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts "WEEEEEEE!"
__________________________________________________________
There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish.
He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.
____________________________________________________________
An English, Irish and Scottish man were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.
The English guy said, “I’m the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace.”
“Wow that is careless.” Said the Scottish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I’ve fractured my shoulder.”
“That is careless.” Said the Irish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamp post and broke both of my legs.”
“That is careless.” Said the English man, “But what happened to your car?”
“What car?” Replied the Irish man, “I was walking.”
_______________________________________________________
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.
"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."
"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.
The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.
The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts "WEEEEEEE!"
__________________________________________________________
There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish.
He wanted a drink but he couldn't bring himself to buy one.
____________________________________________________________
An English, Irish and Scottish man were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.
The English guy said, “I’m the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace.”
“Wow that is careless.” Said the Scottish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I’ve fractured my shoulder.”
“That is careless.” Said the Irish man, “Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamp post and broke both of my legs.”
“That is careless.” Said the English man, “But what happened to your car?”
“What car?” Replied the Irish man, “I was walking.”
Janus
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'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with
a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire
that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar
boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.
a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you
may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire
that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar
boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.
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Now neil129
You have to be nice to your friendly neighbors (did I get that right) and remember I know where you live? :roflmao:
If an Englishman is removing wallpaper ...he is redecorating.
If a Scotsman is removing wallpaper ...he is relocating!
No more Irish jokes, I am making a complaint - any help welcome? Bernard where are you, anyone please. :roflmao:
Come on Neil.
You have to be nice to your friendly neighbors (did I get that right) and remember I know where you live? :roflmao:
If an Englishman is removing wallpaper ...he is redecorating.
If a Scotsman is removing wallpaper ...he is relocating!
No more Irish jokes, I am making a complaint - any help welcome? Bernard where are you, anyone please. :roflmao:
Come on Neil.
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NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM IN THIS THREAD FEDUP!!!!!!
And come on us scottish aint that tight,are we?
Im sure between you,lou and a few others you can get your own back .....................for a while!!!
PS-That one was quite good Fedup.
And come on us scottish aint that tight,are we?
Im sure between you,lou and a few others you can get your own back .....................for a while!!!
PS-That one was quite good Fedup.
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Neil129
hic, sorry itys ok I got here. Just brought my dog for hic walk.
The Scots have the [unjustified] reputation of being stingy.
But what they do have is the ability to laugh at themselves.
Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten.
Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either.
So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.
As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ..."Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!"
"Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you."
So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground.
"T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers.
"Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!"
hic, sorry itys ok I got here. Just brought my dog for hic walk.
The Scots have the [unjustified] reputation of being stingy.
But what they do have is the ability to laugh at themselves.
Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten.
Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either.
So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.
As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ..."Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!"
"Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you."
So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground.
"T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers.
"Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!"
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Haha all good ones Liam,i like this thread that qtown started where we can all joke within reason about each others nationalities:clap:,good craic as the irish would say.Lets all hope she is doing ok in hospital,cos we all miss ya qtown!!!