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lmao great jokes
Thanks for sharing everyone
Thanks for sharing everyone
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married:
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and in the door,
the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNITE!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight".
He didn't seem upset at all.Whew! Got away with that one!Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock.
"When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh sh*t," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed
another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,
and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
The Evolution of Medicine
Patient: I have an earache ...
2000 BC - Here, eat this root.
1000 AD - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 AD - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 AD - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 AD - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 AD - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is
important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor
cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do,
probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are
put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man
who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He
thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT
TO THE WOMAN.
(8 ) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some