Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let her cook in the dark!
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should "own" one.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking their cars.
What would men do without women?
They would train another animal
Women have created 3 things in this world: Complaining, Periods, Credit Card Debts
How are women and a pile of dog crap alike?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up !!
What do you do when the dish washer is broken?
Slap her on the butt and tell her to get to work.
What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Why do they call it PMS?
Cause mad cow disease was already taken.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
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Worthiness
A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute... The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving...
Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don't think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!
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Karma
An old woman saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.
After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
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There are nine very important men in a woman's life.
They are:
Her Doctor; he says, "Take your clothes off."
Her Dentist; he says, "Open wide."
Her Veterinarian; he says, "And how is your little pussy doing today?"
Her Gardener; he says, "Do you want me to mulch your bush?"
Her Hairdresser; he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Her Interior Decorator; he says, "You'll like it once it's in."
Her Remodeler; he says, "It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering."
Her Milkman; he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Her Banker; he says, "If you take it out, you'll lose interest."
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Most accidents happen at home!
And the men have to eat them.
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How To Translate Womenspeak
When She Says ........................She Really Means
No...................................... Yes.
Of course I'm not upset...........Of course I'm upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you, Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?.....You won't tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date.......... I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there..............Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you the first few times.
You're...so manly....................You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the bar Friday night?.... I've been waiting by the phone for three days
Let's not talk "commitment". Let's just see what happens...... I'm not taking any birth control pills.
You're certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can't believe you're here.It must be fate...... I've been following you all day.
I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I'm not emotional and I'm not over-reacting...... I'm having my period.
I hope you're not disappointed.......... I'm flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink....Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You're picking up the bill, aren't you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs.
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What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
Those damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? You made the chain too long.
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Deaf Man?
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?"
The cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?"
The man let out a sigh "thanks, for a few minutes there I thought I had gone deaf!"
.......hmmmmmmmm.....brats!.....aaaaaagggggggggg.fft:
.......hmmmmmmmm.....brats!.....aaaaaagggggggggg.
